I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Enjoy the penises
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
