She's JV to your varsity
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
