Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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