he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
