apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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