I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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