every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
