If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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