Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
