I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
