Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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