no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
