Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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