Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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