i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
