Porn is love you can see.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
