you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
