i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
