Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
