Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
