1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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