She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
please come you make the beer taste better
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
