You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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