Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
