Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
