I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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