Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
