every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
