She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
