Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
