There was a lot of him and a little penis
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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