even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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