I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
