Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
