I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
