the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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