I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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