your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
