benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
