She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
