i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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