Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
