True but thats because hes a fetus.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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