Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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