is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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