i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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