Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
