Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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