girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
