U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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