there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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