In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
