i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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